Yes I might have matured faster than people my age, yes I might have developed restraint in greater proportions compared to the people my age but there is no looking back from this day.
You have been telling me to follow my heart all through this time, but now that the time has come I can’t do it anymore, for the simple enough reason that my heart doesn’t know what it wants.
I have no second thoughts about the fact that he was the match that would fit in the job description of your daughter’s handler, perfectly well.
But then can you race against the time and win the odds of beating it in its own witch-hunt? I have serious doubts about it coz humans having those kind of superpowers yet is still a sham.
You often ask me why do I respond to you the way I do.
Today, I am gonna tell you why.
Coz I am done faking out a smile every single time while the truth is that in reality, all I am doing is counting the little that I have left to pay as the cost of each breath that I take.
I am done convincing myself that my battered heart would heal some day coz the truth is that it won’t. But my stubborn soul is just not ready yet to accept this fact.
I am done escaping into a long sleep every single time my brain starts working more than it should. Coz in reality, all this has only reduced me to a living entity with no bits of life left in it.
Mom, there is a reason why I am the way I am and if it takes my rudeness or even my damned ignorance to save people (who still do care about me) from what really goes on inside my mind, then I am ready to take that plunge too.
You know why? Coz the last three years of my life have taught me that there isn’t a greater form of self destruction than living at the mercy of a vulnerable mind.
And of late, I have been busy doing just that.
I was hoping if you could take some time out to join me in wishing a very happy birthday to the one coz of whom, I am the way I am today.
After all, he deserves every bit of the credit I could never bestow him with.
Thereby, dear love,
It is your day today and I am not here to tell you how long I have waited for this day to come and similar other things that would mean nothing to you.
All I am here to do is to thank you for making me the person I am today.
Thereby, wishing you a very happy birthday!
All I hope is for you to realize someday, that post catharsis, nothing remains the same and that people (including me) do change.
Also, telling you that I miss you a lot will only be an understatement.
So, I would rather leave it to your good judgement.
Be the best man you always were!
Long forgotten love.