We loved, we despised;
We laughed, we cried;
We broke each other,
and never apologised.
So here’s wishing happy birthday to the one who changed my life in just a matter of 9 months.
How fast this time has passed.
Last year around the same time, we were dealing with our own set of problems like how to combat the awkwardness we felt in each other’s presence and how to kill those butterflies in stomach.
How we were still learning ways to avoid embracing each other for long during those bear hugs on our birthdays.
It’s funny how even the repeated anxiety attacks failed to deter me from sending presents your way when it was your birthday.
It’s astonishing how you pretended like it was something that didn’t please you much while you acknowledged that there was no need for me to “go out of my way” to celebrate your special day.
It’s amazing how subtly you revealed that day as to how you once wished that I entered your life before “she” did.
“No one has ever done so much for me. I still don’t know how to react. If only we met each other at a different point in life…” Your message read.
And I can’t deny that those words are etched on my heart even to this day.
I am sure you will never get it. The fact that the day of your arrival on this Earth meant something to me back then. It was THE day. To me, it was like Thanksgiving where I could literally count the endless reasons I was grateful for.
Like your mere presence in my life;
like how your sad jokes and wisdom combined at 3 in the night helped me reflect on the bad choices I made in this lifetime;
Like how your contagious spirit filled with all things positive always compelled me to acknowledge that despite all the scars on my soul, I was still beautiful;
Like how the child inside you always coaxed me into playing the games I would never play otherwise – in dreams and in real life;
Like how your indifference towards happiness and pain alike gave me another goal for life;
Like how your disconnect with the world always made me question the depths of love;
Like how your workplace antics helped me develop the necessary tactics to deal with those morons in office.
And I could go on and on and on…
All good things must come to an end.
After all, what we shared was no different than the rest.
Towards the end of those 9 months, we had reached our saturation.
The conversations became sour as the pillows turned soggy.
The demons were out, trading on the last shreds of vulnerability.
And in the end, both of us had no clue who was to be blamed for the end of that “terrific friendship”.
A year later, as I sit here contemplating whether or not to send you a birthday message, I know this.
Nothing good has ever come out of a never-acknowledged relationship.