Memories of a vanished friend…

This poem (a bunch of my school memories)was written, 
back in 2011, when we stepped into the newer worlds, to 
pursue our respective higher studies and build our dream 
careers.. meanwhile, we forgot, what it was actually like, 
to have someone (who means the most to you) by your side..

AROUND  THE  CORNER , I  HAVE  A  FRIEND…

IN   THE  CITY  THAT  SEEMS  TO  HAVE  NO  END…

THE  DAYS  GO  BY  AND  THE  WEEKS  RUSH  ON,

AND  BEFORE  I  KNOW, YEARS  HAVE  GONE….

I  NEVER  SEE  MY  OLD  FRIEND’S   FACE ,

FOR  LIFE  NOW , HAS  A  SWIFT  PACE….

HE  KNOWS  THAT  I  LIKE  HIM  JUST  AS  WELL, 

AS  IN  THE  DAYS  WHEN  I  RANG  HIS  MIND’S  BELL…

IN  TIMES  WE  WERE  MUCH  YOUNGER  , 

TO  DIFFERENTIATE  BETWEEN  THE  WRONG  AND  THE  RIGHT…

IN  THE  DAYS  WE WERE  PREOCCUPIED , WEAVING , 

THE  GOOD  AND THE  BAD  MEMORIES  OF  OUR  SCHOOL  LIFE…

HOW  I  WISH  I  COULD  LIVE  THOSE  DAYS  BACK  AGAIN,

SO  WHY  CANNOT  EVERYTHING   JUST  STAY  THE  SAME..???

THOSE  BITTER  QUARRELS,THOSE  SILLY  STUPID  FIGHTS ..

THAT  SWEET  TEASING  DURING  THE  ASSEMBLY  TIME…

I  STILL  REMEMBER  HIS  EACH  GOOD  LUCK BEFORE  A  RECITATION  OR  A  DEBATE,

AND  THE  WAY, HE SLOWLY  WHISPERED  SORRY  FOR  HIS  MISTAKES…

HOW   SHOULD  I  REVEAL  THAT  I  LOVED  HIM  THIS  WAY,

WHEN  HE  USED  TO  GIVE  A  THANKS TOKEN  WITH  GAY….

EACH  MEMORY  OF  THIS  WONDERFUL  PAST, REMAINS  AS  A  BENCHMARK  IN  MY LIFE, FOR  IT  HAS  GIVEN  ME  SO  MUCH   UNEXPECTED  TO  CHERISH, UNTIL THE VERY  END  OF  THIS  ROLLER COASTER RIDE…

WHEN  I  PEEP  BACK  INTO  IT,

I  EXPERIENCE  THE  GLIMPSES  , THAT  NO ONE  CAN  EVER  GIVE….

BE  IT  THOSE  INTERNET  CHATS,OR  THOSE  COINCIDENTAL   CONFRONTATIONS ,

OR  BE  IT  THE  EXTRAVAGANZA   OF H.R. WILSON  EDUCATIONAL AND CULTURAL COMPETITIONS….

BE  IT  THOSE  PARTIES  OF  WENGERS  AND  TEMPTATIONS,

OR  BE  IT  THE  CLASSES  HELD DURING  SULTRY  VACCATIONS…..

BE  IT  YOUR  BIRTHDAY  OR  MINE,

THE  CRAZE  GREW  EQUALLY  WELL BEFORE  THE  SONG  TIME…

BE  IT  THAT  BUNKING  CLASSES  DURING  CHRISTMAS  FORTNIGHT,

OR  BE  IT  THE  RUMORS  AND  GOSSIPING  ON  TOP  FLOOR  AND  CCC’S SITE….

BE  IT  THAT  HUSTLE  BUSTLE  BEFORE  THE  SPORTS  MEET, OR  BE IT  THE  FACES 

THAT  DREW  LONG  AT  EVERY  BACCALAURETTE  SPEECH..

NOW  MAKES  THE  TEARS  ROLL DOWN  MY  CHEEKS…

THAT  JOY,  THAT  HAPPINESS…

THAT  ANGER,  THAT  SADNESS…

HAVE  ALL  COLLECTIVELY  DRIVEN  ME  MAD….

BUT  DON’T KNOW  WHY, THIS  TIME  HAS  CHANGED..???

AS  WE  STAND  TODAY  AS  BUSY TIRED  MEN..

WITH  NOT  EVEN  TIME  FOR  OUR  VERY  OWN  CASE…

TIRED  OF  PLAYING  A  FOOLISH  GAME…

TIRED  OF  TRYING  TO  MAKE  A  NAME…

TOMORROW  I  SAY, I  WILL  CALL  ON  HIM ,

JUST  TO  SHOW  THAT  I  THINK  OF  HIM …

BUT  TOMORROW  COMES  AND  TOMMOROW  GOES,

AND  HE REMAINS   LOST  IN  HIS OWN  ACADEMIC GOALS….

WITHOUT  EVEN  REALIZING  THAT  THE  DISTANCE  BETWEEN  US  GROWS AND  GROWS….

AROUND  THE  CORNER , YET  MILES  AWAY….

HERE’S  A TEXT  : ”I  AM  BUSY  TODAY ”

IS  THAT  WHAT  WE  SHOULD  GET..

WHICH  WE  DON’T  EVEN  DESERVE  IN  THE  END..??

AROUND  THE  CORNER , A  SORT  OF  A  ”VANISHED  FRIEND” …

NOW I  AM  WAITING  FOR  THAT  DAY, WHEN  HE  ‘LL  REALIZE  HIS  MISTAKE…

AND  MAKE  A  PROMISE  OF  STAYING  THE  SAME.. ( AS  HE  WAS EARLIER ) — CARING  AND  FULL  OF  LIFE..

AS  FOR  NOW, I  REALLY  DON’T  WANT THIS  TO  CONTINUE  ANYMORE…

I AM TOO   FED  UP  OF THOSE  QUESTIONS  AND  PISSED  OFF  WITH  SUCH  EXPLANATIONS…

EITHER  THIS  SHOULD  BE  THE  END  OF  ALL, OR  ELSE  DEAR  ALMIGHTY, BRING BACK  TO  ME ..

MY  DEAREST  —  MY  ACTUAL  BEST  FRIEND OF ALL.. !!.

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DISCLAIMER: © KRITI DHINGRA and SLICE OF LIFE, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to KRITI DHINGRA and SLICE OF LIFE 2015 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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A note of gratitude…

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.  –Martin Luther King, Jr.

Here is to a friend whom I got in touch with, sometime back..

Whom, I came to know, through an old friend..

So this friend of mine, is one of the most kind-hearted souls, that I have come across so far..

He graduated from IIMC, one of those places where I really wanted to be..

And I still remember the first convo we had, since it left a lasting impression on my psyche,

Even though it’s just for 7 months that I know him now, but seems like that was sufficient for the cause,

He would make you feel so special about yourself and then bring you back to where you have been ..

That’s one exceptional talent he possesses, which hardly any person would come to notice,

He would never step back to help you when you need him bad, that’s for sure, you bet?

He will be there for you till you literally stop feeling sad.. conspicuously, I still have that picture of the full moon he had sent,

Though he gave me mixed signals as to his preferences, I still took all of those lame excuses, coz somewhere, i guess, i quiet liked him..

I acted like a kiddo with him, Pugnacious at times and at the others, I turned out to be quiet demanding, probably coz I was actually comfortable talking to him,

He still used to protract those demands with such polite gestures, that I had no choice but to forgive him afterwards!

Coz how could i not melt, for that stupid (for him) hindi song he sang?

He has a girlfriend now, and it appears to me that he has finally found the love of his life!

I am happy for him, but also sad at the same time.. Coz the charm of the bond we shared is long vanishing,

He is a busy man now, trying to keep his relationship and work affairs in harmony,

the way we connected before, isn’t the same anymore.. But that’s okay. He has his someone special by his side, after all.

It gives me a sense of contentment knowing that he is doing pretty well in life, an unmatched joy, that he is happy by her side..

In the end, I just hope that he doesn’t forget his friend by chance, the one with whom, he once shared some deep serious conversations ,

I wish him all the luck for his future endeavors, and before I wind up, I  want him to know that he is one of his kind and should not change for any reason, or any person in life..

It’s not a farewell note though, as neither of us is moving any place, any time soon, but i still wish the very best, for a rare friend i found in you..!!

Death and beyond… (farewell, dear friend) !!!

It's strange that how, certain times a few of the 
life instances move us so much from within that we 
can't help but feel ourselves as a part of those very happenings.. 
You were just a class fellow, or a friend, or may 
be someone whose presence was substantially felt in 
the older childhood days.. When every little teasing 
made some sense to us, When every little fight 
somehow affected our fake reputations..  
Walking on the sands of time, Flashes from the past 
replay, as my conscious takes a trip down the memory lane..  
Such were the days, full of insanity and absurdity, 
and a twist full turn this life has taken so early, 
that you had to leave our company at this tender age..  
Not much contact was maintained in all these years 
after the final school break, still there was a sense 
of connectedness between all of us, which we could 
easily associate..  
Realizing it now, leaves us more vulnerable to fall 
prey of those memories that lie there to haunt us in 
the times to come. The impact of the moment when out 
of the blues, this sad news had come..  
They say, you only cherish someone's presence when 
they are not around. Rightfully so, Since whenever 
we 'll think of you, you will be remembered for 
spreading bunch full of laughter all around..
With deep grief in heart and a diligent prayer on 
lips, We all want to tell you, that no matter what, 
you will be really missed..  
We wish that, all of them who are affected by your 
tragic demise, get power to heal and the strength to 
endure this relentless pain. 
May your soul always rest in peace.  
We all thank you for being a part of our lives 
and leaving us with wide smiles at some or the 
other point of time. Needless to take your name, 
since you were one of your kind and shall remain the same.. 

                                                                                          Time – 8:30 p.m.

                                                                                        1st November,2014.

“It is only when you go through turmoil that you get to know the true essence of life.”

I always thought that establishing yourself at some level and being able to be self-sustainable would suffice in the long run, but, no, I was wrong. Life’s greatest challenges and its mysterious experiences lie far beyond just buying a sedan or trying to woo your loved ones.

Never thought that a mere classmate’s unexpected demise would become an impactful tragedy in itself.

I go to temple on a daily basis, but never really learned the true meaning of prayer and the purpose of my life. No doubt I still have those dreams and aspirations that will remain there on account of me, being a mortal soul. But, witnessing someone you have known for years, in inexplicable pain and tears, watching them leave the world and not being able to reverse the gear, is indeed. One tragic nightmare!

What makes it worse is the sight of such an incident, its memories that last for a lifetime, its deeper impacts giving you insights into the greater truths, by which you have to abide; some serious lessons to be learnt, i.e. the true essence of this mortal life.

Who would have thought that such a brilliant student excelling in almost every sphere of his life, the one who always knew how to make others smile, would be actually dying from inside!

It’s all a masquerade. A maze, in which we all get trapped, but, only a few get to evade.

We all talk of philosophy. We all have read scriptures at some or the other point of time, but, hardly any of us could relate to the in-depth meaning of the treasures they hide inside.

Not until today, could I have imagined that,, what if, I was in his place?

Will everyone’s reaction be just the same?

Would people still be finding excuses to post another status update?

Will people then, actually mean, what they say?

Will my long-lost friends too, gather once again and give fire to my remains and let it cremate?

Will my parent’s life will ever be the same again?

I couldn’t really get a definite answer to any of these questions except for the last one I had asked myself. God never promised us anything so certain, except for one divine blessing he gave us, whom we know as our parents.

Sometimes, I get similar thoughts too! When circumstances are unfair and the prolonged adversities lead to consecutive despair, When everything is blue and the situational pressures become unbearable, I think of giving up, on this only life, altogether.

Why?

Coz I have a fickle mind and a fragile heart, which, I believe, is no longer mine. It’s with a person, who pulled me out of the dungeons in time. And helped me, in every possible way, putting his most prized possessions at stake, to make me reach this level in life, wherein, the least I can do, is to write.

Write! For there is still so much for us to explore within our souls,

Write! Coz there is a secret side of every human, which hardly anyone shows.

It was a day after our friend passed away, when I called him.

We all had studied in the same school before graduating. Listening to him, I was petrified. He sounded highly irritated and upset with what had happened, since it must have indeed been such a terrible sight.

And, the lesson I learnt that day was that, death is the only truth that pervades. It’s a person’s death alone, which carries within, the potentialities of bringing unbelievable and irrevocable changes in the lives of others, who were, in the strongest of ties, associated with that (deceased) person.

I never thought that he would end up being so vulnerable at the dismal sight he must have witnessed. I have known him for years and he always emerged out as a practical person, in every damned situation. But, this time around, such a facet of him wasn’t there. I could not ask him more, while on call, since I knew that the person who bragged and claimed that he was not someone who would get emotionally attached with any individual, was crying silent tears. He could not reveal that he was devastatingly hurt. All he could end up with instead, was, shouting at me, on top of his lungs.

I still wonder, whether that actually helped him vent out his frustration or ease the pain he was feeling deep within? Well, that’s still a question of thought. Many a times, in a fit of anger, we do such acts, the consequences of which are unknown, even to our inner selves.

I was hurt too. I would say, more frightened, than hurt. I was sitting in my room, 166 kilometers far, whilst so much had happened, back in my hometown. Somewhere, in the corners of my mind palace, I could figure out and understand what he must have been going through. I was dumbstruck for a moment, following which, another set of questions struck my head.

Since childhood, I have been listening this from my mom and dad, that, “whatever happens, happens for our own good” and “nothing in this world can ever take place without god’s consent.” They also used to tell me that, if a person commits suicide, then there cannot be anything worse than that. Since, for that deceased, there is no life after death!

These were hitting my brain one after another as I tried to set up some sort of sensible yet relative nexus between these self-contradictory statements.

This traditional ancient framework of Hindu mythology, which speaks of life after death, has been well narrated in one of the related book of scriptures, popularly known as a “puraan.” It enumerates various stages, a soul undergoes, in the process of its purification within the span of one year. Well, this makes sense, if one actually relates to that.

But what I could not relate to, and understand was that, if we were all, the children of god and if even a leaf cannot move from its inertia of rest, when he doesn’t want, then, why is there such an outcry? A dilemma, as to the concept of afterlife, when one commits suicide? If nothing in this world can take place without god’s consent and life and death being no exceptions, then why is a suicide attempt considered an evil; an act that is done against god’s will?

I am still in search of the answers though, but deep in my heart i know by now, that suicide is never an answer to anything. Everyone forgets with time, the cost you paid to put an end to it. Come judgement, an act of courage or the one to be attributed to a weak human being? cant say. since i personally feel that no one can ever get real insights into any individual’s personal life (the extent of his sufferings and hardships in context of his endurance capacity) and hence, we are no one to judge his act as being wrong or right, anyway, at any point of time. But, what i am sure of, by now, is that, Death is the biggest truth of life, the one that pervades all; it is the only game-changer of its kind.

DISCLAIMER: © KRITI DHINGRA and SLICE OF LIFE, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to KRITI DHINGRA and SLICE OF LIFE 2015 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.